Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
