she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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