K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize