They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
