I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
