the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize