i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
