I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize