watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How does it feel to date your dad?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
