I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize