i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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