were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
