I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
