If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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