Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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