farters have to be the big spoon...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
