life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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