I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
