Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
