There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
