Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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