Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
