Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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