My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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