I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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