At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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