You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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