Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
