It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
