he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize