she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Randomize
