he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
