Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
