she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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