apparently the secret to your success is patron
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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