last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
