So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize