She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
