Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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