Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
