i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
