it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
home. puking in laundry basket.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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