Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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