It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
