youre lurking in front of me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
