im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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