took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
