Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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