stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
