so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
