see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
