I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
