Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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