Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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