I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
