just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
