and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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