just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
