I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize