i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
