She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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