she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize