I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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