i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
