really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
