I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
