he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
