Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Randomize
