On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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