I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
