Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize