I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
