I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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