Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
third nipple confirmed
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
