i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
