Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
